When life is changing it’s sometimes hard to know when one chapter ends and another begins. Yes- we have milestone moments: a graduation, a birth, someone passes away, you close on a house, you get married, etc. These moments seem so clear cut and defined- but often times from the outside you never know the road traveled to get there.
I recently moved across the country, leaving Denver, CO the place I was born and raised, where I went to college, and where I built a life afterward. Aside from a summer long stay in Silverton, CO- I had never left home. But somewhere along the way the seed of longing for something different was planted inside of me. Maybe it was in 5th grade when researching different states across America and discovered Florida for the first time, or maybe it was senior year of high school when looking out of state for college options, or the first time I traveled with my partner, Dave, to his hometown in the north country of New York, or maybe as I became a successful adult navigating the real estate market in Colorado- but over the last few years it became abundantly clear the more I paid attention that I didn’t want to build a forever home there. I wanted something more.
And this is why I say it’s interesting to know when things start and begin. Over the last 18 months I’ve had two feet in separate chapters- one ending and one beginning. I came to a realization in December of 2021 that if I was going to be in better alignment with my soul that I needed to stop running my successful photography business. This decision in itself was one most in my life questioned- why would I walk away from something that was doing so well? Is the answer- it simply stopped making me happy- enough? Even though I loved my clients, I loved the creative work, and I loved working for myself in many ways- the in and out day to day stressors of being a business owner were not what I wanted. It took experiencing it to understand that. And somewhere in this equation I also knew that exploring other options would only be possible for me once I closed that door.
It took all of 2022 to work towards that ending, all along I knew I had to simply navigate the discomfort of the transition. What was next? How would I make money? Would I be happy? All of these questions and so much more not only ran through my own head but were asked from those around me. I didn’t have those answers and so I began to focus on finding the answers to the questions that I was more interested in:
- What do I need in order to feel mentally healthy?
- What kind of life do I want to live?
- Which parts of my life feel in alignment with my soul, and which don’t?
- What brings me safety and stability?
This list is where I began and I created this list through quite a bit of help: weekly therapy sessions, knowledge of my own astrology chart, and a commitment to be honest with myself. While working through these things I was running a business, paying bills, living and loving a partner who’s been chronically ill and suffering from a covid vaccine injury, and simply my best to navigate the transition from life as I knew it to…. Something unknown but necessary.
Because life is real and you have to juggle it while trying to pay attention to your heart’s desires, for me this all took some time. There wasn’t one moment that my business ended and my new life began. Yes there was a date of a final wedding, and there was the day of starting a new job. There was a last day in my old town- and a first day in my new one. But somewhere in the between has just been lots of blurry lines.
Did this new chapter begin when I arrived on the soil I left my home town or when I arrived on the soil of my new one? Or did it begin when we found the listing for a home that we ultimately didn’t buy but that motivated us to contact our real estate agent and get things rolling down this path to a new home? Or does it begin in a few weeks when we finally close on a home we could only have dreamed of?
So if you ask my opinion about beginnings and endings, I can share from my experience that they are not as clear cut as the one you find in books. In real life new beginnings actually begin far before their milestone dates, and can continue to pop up in new ways you had never thought of even after you’ve learned the ropes. Similarly, endings can feel never ending. They can continue to stretch on through your defined “lasts”, including in the grief that comes from loss that stays with you as you travel through time.
Perhaps it’s important to learn to be comfortable straddling both worlds- and not for some predetermined time we think is “enough” for each moment- but for as long as it takes.
If this subject resonates with you, and you could use more encouragement in this area- listen to me break all these thoughts down in our companion episode of the A Bit From Within Podcast on Endings and Beginnings. You can listen below or find us on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
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