Being A Better Friend When Life Is Hard

We all want to have control over our lives. We were taught, if you work hard, are good, and think ahead then everything will work out for you. I grew up with a strong Christian background where the message was: live a life free of sign, constantly doing good, and God will bless your life. Even in the wellness community, there’s a constant hum that says, be energetically aligned and you’ll live a life of abundance and joy.

But those things aren’t always true. Do I believe in being a good person? Yes. Do I believe that intention matters? Yes. And still, sometimes bad things happen for no reason.

Life is filled with moments that can bring immense difficulty! And what may be hard for others, won’t be the same as what’s hard for you. And that’s why it’s so important to stay out of comparison or judge someone else from your own perspective.

Each of our journey’s are our own.

Life is filled with moments that can bring immense difficulty! And what may be hard for others, won’t be the same as what’s hard for you. Each of our journey’s are our own. I’ve seen people who’ve faced life changing injuries, who have been brought to their knees not by the injury itself but by what it did to their relationship. I’ve seen people whose chapter of becoming a parent was far from a joyous season, and yet no one understood what they were going through in their body and mind because of the label put onto that season of life by society.

Working a job is hard.
Being in a relationship is hard.
Being single is hard.
Having a family is hard.
Being a parent is hard.
Not being a parent when you desperately want to be is hard.
Surviving on one income is hard.
Surviving on two incomes is hard.
Owning a business is hard.
Working for someone else is hard.
Running a household is hard.
Working full time and running a household is hard.
Dealing with doctors is hard.
Living in pain is hard.
Caretaking is hard.
Finding time for movement is hard.
Finding motivation to take care of yourself is hard.
Wanting your world to be a better, safer place in a system that’s so behind and filled with corruption is terribly hard.
And finding, keeping, and connecting with friends who will support you through all life’s hardships is… surprisingly hard.

You’d think with so many of us being smack in the thick of it, going through so much of the same hardships or at least living in the same challenging world, that we’d all be closer and more supportive of one another than ever.

Instead it seems like it’s easier to turn to strangers on the internet hoping the “algorithm” gets your message out to those who will offer the loving support that their friends and family should be offering, but who often don’t.

Instead of receiving compassion, support, and that judgment free ear that we all desperately need right now- sometimes we’re met with triggered friends who start judging how we got into the mess, telling us what we could have done differently, or all their ideas as to how we’re supposed to move on or recover. The care and protection they mean to offer is actually just defensiveness, and it leaves one, then both parties, shut down; drifting away from one another.

I’ll tell you what I believe:

• Not one of us needs someone else’s unsolicited advice.
• Not one of us needs to be made to feel that we haven’t been doing the best that we can.
• Not one of us needs to feel like we’re bad because we’re going through a hard season in life.

What we need now more than ever are hugs, and I’m sorry’s, I understands, and fuck the system; we need reminders of how strong we are, and to be around those who will laugh with us at all the craziness in life that we cannot control. We need friends who we can call to share the hard stuff, and be met with unwavering support.

So whether you’re craving that kind of friendship- or you hadn’t thought that maybe your friends are needing this right now- I urge you to remember to be a good listener, now more than ever. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes and remember that they are trying, and perhaps even silently struggling.

And even if you feel viciously protective, and you want to start giving them the advice that would “surely change their lives”- perhaps, don’t. Let them instead be in the important presence of your company. Hold space for them. At the very least, let the know you’re thinking of them and sending them love. And if you can, allow them to feel safe in sharing the darkness that’s on their mind. Maybe in doing so, you will help them to take a step out of that darkness.

If you resonate with this post and feel at times you wish you had more permission from others to simply be where you are- even in the hard phase- instead of having to pretend everything is fine and great even when it’s not- then please tune in to this week’s episode of the A Bit From Within podcast. Here I talk through a sister message to this post, expanding on how resilient we have to be in ourselves when not falling into shame from those conversations with those who aren’t able to see the kind of support we could really use. You can listen here below, on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune in.